caroline

still can't shake the shakes.  dropping everything, can't find words for my thoughts, looking for my driving glasses as they rest atop my head.  burned myself badly making caramel sauce tonight.  owie.

don't know why i'm so off.  found myself utterly unable to express myself this evening.  frustrating.

b is having an off night as well, it seems.  lots of crying out and very woeful tears.  my basic instinct is to just snatch him up and bring him into bed with me.  but that is a selfish thought.  so i go in, rub his back, find his blankie, and sing twinkle twinkle again.

thinking tonight how, when i sing twinkle twinkle, what i'm really thinking about is not a star at all, but my sweet little babe.  who are you? i think.  where did you come from?  how do all these atoms add up to be the marvelous you that you are?  that's what that simple lullaby means to me.