in a thinking place this evening. thinking about motivations, fate, the little cogs in the machine that line up to create what it is that makes up a person's life. family, friends, work, pleasure. driving forces. what drives me.
i feel compelled to create a home and a life for my husband and child (and bonus children) that is warm, loving, aesthetically pleasing. this is why i identify with mrs. ramsay in to the lighthouse. this is why i wash woodwork once a week. this is why i stay awake into the wee hours perfecting royal icing for sugar cookies. this is why i fixate on seed catalogs mid-winter. yes, i enjoy these things. yes, they bring me pleasure. but the impetus behind it all is to create a home that is so filled with beauty and love and comfort that none of us ever want to leave.
of course, i don't even come close to succeeding at that. but if you've ever wondered why i do the things i do, that's why. you can think i'm an anti-feminist if you like, but you'd be utterly wrong. no one is forcing me into this role. there is no expectation for me to be as i am. this is a choice. who i am.
it's a beautiful fall. vibrant and calm, i think. love the open windows, the rhythm of the crickets, the smell of drying leaves.
i liked today. liked it a lot.