overwhelmed

feeling really overwhelmed lately.  feel like the house is getting the better of me.  so much to do and no time or energy to do it.  part of it is laziness i'm sure.  i just want to be outside playing with b.

a bit of an adventure last night.  we came home to find that rowan had escaped from his cage!  b and i found him in the tv room.  we chased him a bit and he headed into the laundry room.  he cornered himself by the hot water tank and i snatched him right up.  

nice evening tonight playing with b in the yard (avoiding housework!).  i fixed him a sand pit by his playhouse.  got some new sand toys at the dollar tree and he's pleased as punch.  summer at last.  

long day

still waiting for mmm to return and it's 10:00!  hope he gets home soon.  i can't imagine how long HIS day feels.

work was work.  stopped by boothie's to feed the kitties and they were cute and needed lots of pets and love which i gladly gave. zoey stretched farther than i've ever seen anything stretch before.  i had to call jt for advice on how to give them their dry food.

b and i played in the yard at home.  all of his veggies are sprouting and he's soooo excited.  so am i.  it's a beautiful garden and he works so hard to take care of it.  he's taking excellent care of the berry patch as well.  

here's a face that always makes me smile...

monday monday

husband's back and all is right with the world again.

sorta.

i feel terrible.  achey and stuffy and tired.  i know it's allergies.  bumped up my appointment with dr. h.  gonna ask for shots.  i think it's my only option!  i can't feel like this anymore!  ridiculous!

got lots done today at work.  always seems to go that way when the boss isn't around.  it's like a universal truth or something.  

relaxing evening at home.  made baked ziti and it was really tasty.  i could eat it all.  i was going to make granola and cookies but that's just going to have to wait one more day.  

transliterator

things still bustling around here. friday morning turner and i went to erickson for our first peer screening of the spring.  a little rusty, both of us.  

izzy came over in the evening to watch twilight with us as planned.  i think there was more real-life drama going on via text than in the actual film.

saturday morning the boys went with mmm to run errands and b and i ran errands on our own. we bought a peach tree!  brought it home and s planted it for me.  he did a great job.  we cleaned up around the house in preparation for grandma's visit.  nice steak dinner and lots of wii action in the evening.

boys left yesterday.  b, grandma and i took it easy around the house.  

back to work today and i missed b all day long.  mondays are rough like that.  

cold again

back to cold weather for a few days.  makes me sleepy.  makes me want to stay home and do nothing.

will focusing this evening on doing laundry and force myself to go to bed early!  i must!  i might even forgo the wii to keep myself on track for an early bedtime.

having felt much like baking or knitting lately.  reading, yes.  listening to music, yes.  especially frightened rabbit.  can't get enough of them lately.  they suit my mood and compliment the weather.  

is it wednesday?

no, it is definitely not wednesday.  tuesday.  my brain is scrambled this week.  

yesterday was work and home and kid.  today, work, home, kid!  

still loving the wii.  probably a little too much.  

not very talkative here lately.  pretty much exhausted when i get home in the evenings.  bird fears that i have an iron deficiency!  she gave me some supplements.  we'll see if it helps.  

all-morning meeting today at the alumni center.  very nice building.  

stressed, i think

maybe that's where the tired is coming from?  the stress?  

busy day at work.  i might as well stop writing that.  just the way it seems to be going now.

puzzling over some things this evening.  a lot of things have happened this year to weaken my faith in people.  little things, but significant.  a few more piled on top today.  makes me nauseous.  

keep waiting for some reprieve or positive upturn to things.  a shift in attitude, a lightening. wish it would come sooner rather than later.  

this evening went by far too fast.  spent quality time with the child and rabbit.  b was very cute this evening and extremely well behaved.  ready for bed now.  perhaps i'll feel sunnier in the morning.

head full of worry

lots on my mind today, thinking of family and friends.  jack is getting a procedure done tomorrow which, if it works, will be a godsend.  but there's still some trauma involved and it's causing stress and strain on his parents and him.  

somehow my body snapped out of its funk today.  i decided at the last minute to go to work.  and i was totally fine.  all day.  worked plenty and felt a-ok.  early to bed this evening but still no worse for the wear.  i should have gone to the doctor days ago.

really?

i'm cranky.  i'm tired of being sick.  i'm tired of low energy and stuffy head.  in general, i'm tired.

i'm irritated, too, and i've had too much time on my hands for thinking.  oh yeah, that dumb little groundhog saw his shadow!  he always sees his shadow!  i'm ready for sun and dry and warm.

i was called weird not once but twice today.  am i that weird?  really?  

on the upside.....  i'm wearing my softest, most favorite tshirt.  and i've read about 15 magazines today.  and it's only forty days til vacation.  

achey all over

my body is overcome with aches and chills and sneezes and sinus pressure.  i'm hunkered down on my little couch (not mmm's big couch) under a heavy afghan.  yoga pants and cubbies t-shirt. keeping warm and vegging out.

pushed through medicine head and got an incredible amount of work done at work.  sent out newsletter i'm happy with and a couple other reports that i feel good about.  husband and i spent time this evening straightening up.  even put b to work cleaning up toys and folding laundry.  he really likes folding laundry (as well as he can) and putting it away.  cleaned rowan's cage and let him hop around for a while.  he was happy with the extra attention.  

grey to greyer

nothing but work and bad weather! i loathe winter. the darkness, that's what gets to me.

catching up on magazines and periodicals. daydreaming about warmer days.

bleak midwinter monotony has settled in for a nice long stay. i need to start looking at seed catalogs.

people have a way

a nice long day home with b yesterday.  we baked bread and cookies and made granola.  we cleaned up the house and played.  both of us cried to leave each other this morning.

feeling sad today, mid-winter blues i guess.  feel a cold coming on.  should have stayed under covers just like b suggested.  

continually amazed that people can just blatantly disregard what you say.  you ask for help, you don't get it.  you ask for comfort, it's not there.  you ask for honesty, and that goes by the wayside too.  should not be surprised at this point in my life.  guess i'm just a sucker.  

remember two things

random memory tonight inspired by swiss chard.  yes, swiss chard, the leafy green.  long, long ago, when mmm and i were first dating, we went out a lot.  so funny to think back to that time when we actually had to schedule and coordinate.  we had to DATE.  not like, well, now, where we live together, have children, etc.  anyway, we went out a lot.  and we'd go out in groups.  with our friends, his and mine, and hilarity would ensue.

so, swiss chard.  we sauntered from happy hour to madeline's downtown for dinner.  probably ten of us.  i just remember, for some reason, boothie and vinnie getting their plates and determining that yes, in fact, the side was swiss chard.  and that's really not much of an anecdote.  but to me, that memory brings back so much.  amazing to think there was a time when mmm and i weren't just here.  in this place and time.

second thing.  a surprise find tonight.  mmm spotted it, actually.  we were browsing a book sale and he picked up what we both thought was a german cookbook.  it was under $5 so i said "get it!" and he did.  i picked it up a little while ago and it is actually a complete culinaria of german cooking. i am very excited to read it.  

one more thing.  tew gave me a thoughtful and beautiful necklace this weekend and i love it so much.  i checked out the site where she got it and i have fallen in love with this.  just in case anyone wants to know.  anyone who might be interested in buying me a valentine's day present. or a groundhog day present.  or maybe presidents day.  just saying.  my wrist is calling for it.

australia

i have been busy.  like, for real busy.  work is good.  actually, work is great right now but i don't have many minutes to slow down these days.  

 

i think this is the reason my brain is empty once i get home in the evenings.  really.  empty.

will start readying the house for b's birthday party on saturday.  clean tonight, bake on friday, clean again on saturday.  

i am the definition of boring.  

the android's conundrum

this day.  just too much.  this day has been FULL.  just full of words and thought.  music. connections.  friends.  and a birth!  one of my dear dear friends has welcomed a sweet baby girl into this world and my heart is just bursting.  another pair of soft apple cheeks to chew.  i cannot wait to meet this stubborn little girl who, i wager, will be just like her mama.

today is a day wherein i feel overwhelmed, but i like it.  stressed, yes, but happy to have the stress because it's proof of life and proof of some level of necessity in the great wide world.

a long day, a day all to itself that will stand out from other days because of all the tiny little things that transpired.  aside from the birth, nothing grand.  but little things that all make a great difference.  i can say with deep sincerity, my friends are some of my greatest blessings.  

unrefined pitch of pines

music all day.  listen.  

sometimes i have so much on my mind i can't even get the words out.  hundreds of random thoughts today.  brought on by songs and pictures and conversations.  feeling very much me today.  very much myself and happy with the feeling.

made a tasty-tasty pasta dish this evening.  spicy, and i added rosemary because i like it even though you're not supposed to.

my mind is looking forward.  upcoming trips and concerts.  warmer climes calling my name.  

blur

a fast-moving day.  i know i went to work for the full eight hours.  just doesn't seem like it.

had lunch out with lmm.  a nice, spicy chicken soup.  warmed me up for the afternoon.

b was listless when we picked him up.  didn't think too much of it.  in the midst of fixing dinner i noticed him in the living room.  he was slumped over on the floor watching tv.  NOT normal two-year-old behavior.  he ate a bit of supper then i took his temperature.  103.2!  my heart sank and i got nervous.  i called the pediatrician on call and we determined that he is probably fine, but if the fever persists i should bring him in in the morning.  my poor little guy.  nothing worse than seeing your little one like that.  

organizing j and s for their trip home tomorrow.  the house will be very quiet without them.  

happy new year!

a new year.  i like the sound of that.  a new month anyway.  december took it out of me.  mentally, emotionally, physically, financially.  i'm ready for normalcy and orderliness.  a clean and tidy home and a clean and tidy diet.  for a while anyway.  too much excess of every kind.  i'm ready to take it down a notch.

icy roads and persuasive children shaped our plans for new year's eve.  i got off work early and decided to swim for an hour before having mmm and the boys pick me up.  by the time they got to me the roads were unbelievably bad.  the trip to my mother's should have taken about seven minutes.  instead it took more like thirty.  inching up campus drive we saw three ambulances and i don't know how many cars spin down the hill sideways.  all roads leaving my mother's neighborhood were backed up for hours.  so we just stayed put.  

izzy and jack came over.  we walked to the neighborhood place to get pizzas and other munchies, stuffed our faces, played games and rang in the new year with dick clark.  every soft, flat surface in my mother's house had a body sleeping on it.  fun and cozy.  a big novelty for all the kids.

back to her house this afternoon for pork fest.  i took a very long nap with jack on the couch. nice and snuggly.  

nothin doin

declared a night of peace for myself tonight.  i gave the boys fair warning and took care of any requests they had as soon as we got in.  easy requests involving ipods and phone calls.  

i am now buried deep in blankets with the second twilight book and a pile of crosswords by my side.  i should just turn out the light and sleep, i know.  but my brain needs the mindlessness of teenage romance and a grid of root words and synonyms.  

makes me think, for some reason, of kicking and screaming.  the part where max and otis get into it over whether tv is a bigger waste of time than crosswords.  max, the crossword junkie, retorts, "a waste of time, yes.  a bigger waste of time than tv? no.  at least i'm thinking of words and roots of words and sometimes in latin."  my love for that movie is unyielding.  it makes me want to crawl into grover's old sweater and read something like love in the time of cholera or maybe the stranger or something like that.  

it also makes me laugh.  more than any other movie it makes me laugh.  

cold sounds

feel like this picture.  our cherry tree after last week's snow.

listening to the aforementioned matt pond pa free ep and it does not disappoint.  "three" sounds like this picture.  cold. echoing.  alone.  resonant.  beautiful.

sometimes i feel like i've been just the same all my life.  never changing or deviating from "me". the times i feel most like this are when the things around me change.  seasons, friends, circumstances, family.  little shifts that lead to giant chasms.  or, on occasion, startling cracks that demand to be noticed, dealt with.  and there i am, just me.  always me. it's hard to keep up, sometimes, with the changes.  

i walk into conversations that should be easy and free, then realize the other party has moved on, moved away, all gone. i miss so many beats.  for instance, how does it become pitch black at 5:15?  this happens every year, yet every year it bothers me.  astounds me, even.  confounds me.  guess i'm up in my head too much.  this body and mind were not made for cold weather.