high fidelity

been thinking about this movie a lot lately and will probably be watching it sometime soon. guess i should be talking about the book instead; i quite enjoy nick hornby. but the movie is what i've been thinking about.

rob's obsessive fascination with lists and meaning and lyrics and motives remind me of myself in some ways. my songs of the day, the need to inflict whatever lyrics grab me on those closest to me (poor, sweet husband), the need to bullet out my memories and thoughts. but i relate to laura, too, in a more literal way. her father dies at the worst possible time (not that there is a good time). watching her seek comfort, watching her try to get her life on track, reminds me of a difficult time in my life, but also a time when i felt very much alive. a time when i realized i had to work on this life i was living to make it something i wanted it to be.

when rob loses laura, and realizes what he's lost, he says this to the camera. beautiful, simple, the reasons why we love:

"Top five things I miss about Laura. One; sense of humor. Very dry, but it can also be warm and forgiving. And she's got one of the best all time laughs in the history of all time laughs, she laughs with her entire body.

Two; she's got character. Or at least she had character before the Ian nightmare. She's loyal and honest, and she doesn't even take it out on people when she's having a bad day. That's character.

Three: I miss her smell, and the way she tastes. It's a mystery of human chemistry and I don't understand it, some people, as far as their senses are concerned, just feel like home.

Four: I really dig how she walks around. It's like she doesn't care how she looks or what she projects and it's not that she doesn't care it's just, she's not affected I guess, and that gives her grace.

And five; she does this thing in bed when she can't get to sleep, she kinda half moans and then rubs her feet together an equal number of times... it just kills me. Believe me, I mean, I could do a top five things about her that drive me crazy but it's just your garden variety women you know, schizo stuff and that's the kind of thing that got me here. "

apple-fest continues.

stayed up late making pies last night. lots of fun. haven't baked like that in a while. tried a new recipe for the crust- ina garten's. nicest dough i think i've worked with, but hers always is (thinking of her raspberry thumbprints- mmmm).

ben woke up (at 5:30!) ready for pie. lots of "mmms" and "mores". very cute.

the whole pie-making venture made me think of the movie waitress with keri russell. cried my eyes out watching that movie, which is not normal for me. that movie got to me though. no one should have to be that sad and lonely.

but the pies. she put it all into the pie. love and hate and desire and caring. a touch of magical realism, no?

"Baby don't you cry, gonna make a pie, gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle. Baby don't be blue, gonna make for you, gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle. Gonna make a pie from heaven above, gonna be filled with strawberry love. Baby don't you cry, gonna make a pie, and hold you forever in the middle of my heart. "

another waitress quote:

Jenna: Cal, are you happy? I mean, when you call yourself a happy man, do you really mean it? Cal: You ask a serious question, I'll give you a serious answer: Happy enough. I don't expect much. I don't get much, I don't give much. I generally enjoy whatever comes along. That's my answer for you, summed up for your feminine consideration. I'm happy enough.